A Constant Choice

Saw this today, and I felt like it was just what I needed to hear. I have felt that lately I have been overly optimistic and happy about my life. But last Friday life hit me, and I wasn't feeling very optimistic. I was angry, sad, depressed and confused about a lot of things. I did not receive any answers over the weekend, but I did feel like it was all up to me to be happy. Like I mentioned in a previous post...the one thing I have control over is my attitude. It is a constant choice to be happy, and sometimes we have our moments and break downs where it all feels overwhelming but I think the real beauty of life is that we just keep going, and trying to make the best of what we have.

Here are some previous posts that I had to re-read to help myself choose happiness:

Recipe of Happiness
Choosing Happiness

"Rock Bottom"

Today has been a day full of insights and inspiration...I just had to write some things down.

It started with my Relief Society President winging a lesson because the teacher didn't show up. She decided to talk about the Atonement, and how it really is for everyone. It was great. But then my friend Shelli raised her hand and made this awesome comment that has been what has opened up so many doors today...

She talked about how people use the expression, "Rock Bottom." How it means that when you hit rock bottom, you can't go any deeper and that you are stuck there. But then she said, she thought about how in the scriptures it talks about Christ being our "rock" and salvation. So when we hit rock bottom, we have really just run into the Savior. That we can't go below him because he ascended below all things. And when we hit rock bottom, we have a chance to start anew and to then build our foundations on the Savior. How awesome is that thought? I love it. I can't say I have ever hit rock bottom in my life, but there are times when it sure has felt like it. And I know that the one person who was there for me deep in my sorrow was the Savior. "His hand is out stretched still...." He will never give up on us. And when we believe we have gone so far and that there is no hope, we can see that the "rock" we have fallen on is actually Christ.

Then later I was able to go with my Grandparents to a missionary homecoming of one of the missionaries they served with. He shared the scripture Alma 26:17-20. Basically its when Ammon is asking why did the Lord decide to save him. Why is it that through his "polluted state" the Savior saved him and his brothers? And then it reads:
"...Behold, he did not exercise his justice upon us, but in his great mercy hath brought us over that everlasting gulf of death and misery, even to the salvation of our souls."

I think we often will ask why the Savior has extended his hand toward us and will continue to have his hand outstretched to us. And it is because of love. The Savior has mercy for us, and continues to plead for us to come unto him.

I love Sundays. I love the Atonement. I know that when I hit "rock bottom" that it is only a chance for me to pick myself up and to start again and to rely on the Savior to build my foundation. He is continually there for me, and He will always be there waiting for me to return. 

Not In Control...

This past month or so has been interesting for me. I have spent a lot of time on my knees and pondering about my life. From little experiences with finding a job, to dating experiences, to tender mercies in a day, I have realized greatly how little control I have over my life. Yes, I can do things that help my life, but my future is greatly in the hands of the Lord.

One thing I have had relearn is attitude is everything. When we have a positive outlook towards life, life seems to be more positive. Crazy, huh? My attitude is in my control. Even though I have situations that arise that should give me great troubles, I feel calm. I know its the Spirit helping me to be positive, and to not lose hope.

Because of this positive outlook, I have felt the need to give back to the Lord. It is a funny goal I started a couple Sundays ago, but any time there is a sign up sheet passed around for something service oriented, I make myself sign up! So far I have helped cleaned the church, helped garden at the temple and made treats at FHE. They haven't been big things, but I feel the little effort I can put in does count for something.

I just feel so grateful for my testimony of Jesus Christ. I always think I understand the Atonement, and the sacrifice that was made, but then something in my life happens, and I realize I have no idea how much love the Savior has for me. I feel it in doses, and it is truly amazing. I wish that more people could feel that love and understand their great worth in the eyes of God. How differently we would act if we fully understood our worth.

I'm excited for my future. Who knows where I will be in 5 years or 10...but one thing I do know is that it is going to be great because Lord has a plan for me! I have very little control over timing and what may happen, and at times it is hard to put my trust in the Lord, but I know that is the only way I can be happy.

Poem

"I Asked God..."

I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't
granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No.
I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to
make you fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy in life. God said
No. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as God
loves me. God said... Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

Things I have learned in the past 5 weeks...

So I haven't blogged for years (not really, but it feels like it).  Life has been super busy and stressful lately, but I'm learning a lot. I felt I needed to write it all down so I would remember it.

For those of you who don't know I'm a special ed major. I'll graduate in April and be a real life teacher...but to get there I have had to have some growing pains. Since August 2012, I have been going to school full time (even Spring and Summer semester). It has been doable and I have loved it for the most part. But then "Summer Practicum" started...and I hated it. I was all of a sudden in charge of 4 students who were between the ages of 6 and 7 and all had Autism. From 8:30am-11:45am, Monday-Friday I was in charge of teaching these students Math, Writing and Reading along with dealing with their behavior problems. I felt very under prepared and felt like I could barely stay afloat. For the first week I would come home and cry. I am not a crier...but I sure turned into one. I had never felt so inadequate and stressed at the same time. While this was going on I was busy being the Activities Co-chair for my ward and we had a cabin trip I had to help plan, and things with some of my friends were not going smoothly. I felt like I was drowning.

I can't pin point a turning point, but eventually I stopped crying. I had this desire to learn and find new ways to help my students. I started asking my cooperating teacher questions every day, and staying after extra to figure out things I could do better. I tried hard to make my lessons engaging and to truly learn to love my students. Now I'm on my last week, and I love it. Yes, I'm excited for it to be over because I'm tired of all the assignments, observations and stress I have had. But I am so sad to not see my students, and for this time to come to an end. At the beginning I doubted my career choice, at the end I have no doubt in my mind that this is what I love and want to do.

These are somethings I have learned:

• Kids love to play games, so if you make learning into a game you can't loose 
• Praising a kid can go a long way (so constantly praising them can turn them into angels)
• It is easier to ask, then to do something wrong without asking
• Being a teacher takes a lot of patience, humility and humor
• The Spirit is always there to help you to love your students, be patient and to help you be humble
• You can do anything if you keep the Lord as your number one priority 
• Even the hardest kid can become someone you love with all your heart
• You will miss the days when the hardest kid is gone
• Elementary school is cheesy (I'm not cheesy)
• The Temple can be a source for peace
• Having Costa Vida Fridays can help you manage your stress
• My family are my best friends
• Play hard on your weekends and the weeks will feel worth it

Spammers

Dear Spammers,

Just because I haven't written a post for a while doesn't mean you should spam me. So pleas stop leaving Anonymous comments.

Sincerely,
Annoyed Stacy

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Dear Readers,

I am still alive. I just have not been in the mood to blog. Maybe I will pick it up again. Maybe this will be the first post of many. But maybe not...

I have been busy with school, 2 jobs and lots of soccer. Nothing too exciting happening. I did go visit Kyle and Monica and kids in February. That was a fun visit. It was nice to see the sunshine for those couple days and of course the family.  Not sure what Utah's weather is doing right now, but next weekend I'm going to St. George to get some sun. I'm super ready for summer....however I will be going to school full time spring and summer so not sure how much I will get to enjoy it. Well that's a quick update. I still read everyone else's blogs. Maybe that's why I don't bog...cause by the time I get reading all of yours my life seems not worthy to blog about! Or I'm just lazy.

Sincerely,
Stacy