To Be Honest..

I'm in a weird lull right now. I know I've made my decision, but I've had a lot of opposition hit me already. I kinda wish I was taking classes. I kinda wish I was living in Provo with all my friends. I kinda wish I had more then work to do each day. I kinda wish I didn't have to start really mentally preparing myself for a mission. I kinda wish I was dating someone.

All those things are mixed up in my mind. Along with thoughts of how am I going to survive on a mission when I need nap a couple times a week? How will I handle not being around my ne-kids or my siblings or parents?

Sometimes writing helps me handle all these thoughts...and this blog post is definitely for me.

I went to my friend Karissa's farewell on Sunday. She is going to Argentina. I have another friend leaving this Wednesday to Madagascar. And my friend Hilary has been in Argentina for the past 9 months. They are my heroes. They are actually doing it...I can do this too...right? I know that this experience, of even just preparing to serve, is helping me become a stronger person. I'm talking with the Lord a lot these days, its not that I'm doubting the inspiration I received, but I'm asking him for a bit more help. Is that selfish of me? This is a big step in my life, and it will be life changing. I doubt myself daily, not the Lord. I know that through Him I can do anything...but I need some confidence in myself as well.

Been filling out paper work and what not. I have a dentist appointment made, and I need to make a doctors. Then I can send them in. I think once they are in and I get my call I'll be a bit more calm. But right now I'm freaking out inside. I'm excited/nervous/scared/anxious and any of the adjectives that might go along with all those.

I signed myself up for classes tonight, just to see what I would be taking if I went back to school for this semester. I'd be taking a sociology class or two and a couple G.E.'s. I bet I'll learn more in the next year and half or so then I would if I were going to school right now. I just have to appreciate this time I have to really start focusing and preparing...but I just get antzy and doubtful...maybe I'll try to leave before January. Who knows...God does.

Sorry this post just rambled, but I needed to get this all written out...I'm understanding myself the more I write.

My goodness...

These past two weeks have just been crazy busy. Summer got married, I moved home, work has been busy and of course my social life has been pretty good!

Just a little bit about Summer's wedding...she was beautiful, everything went perfectly, and Chris really loves her. It was full of laughing, smiling and a few tears of joy! I had to give the "maid of honor" speech at the wedding dinner. I did not know a soul besides the Brook's family. So I was a bit nervous...but I guess it went well because strangers through out the next day kept coming up and telling me how well it went. I love Summer and I'm so happy for her and Chris! They are just two imperfect people who have found perfectness by being together!

I'm helping my friend Kallie with her wedding video. I was able to go and video tape their engagements. They are totally in love and I loved witnessing it! I'm excited to see how the video comes all together.

So yes, being around weddings and love is sometimes hard. Sometimes I think of my relationship from over a year ago and think of how I was that blissfully in love once. I know I will get the chance again to be blissfully in love, but next time I will appreciate it 100 times more then I did before. But right now my calling in life is to serve the Lord, and I know that through that commitment I will be blessed for the rest of my life!

Making a decision

So I've made a big decision in my life, and that is going on a mission. It is amazing the change I feel already since I have made this decision. I feel focused, calm and prepared. I use to have a billion fears, but each time I think of them I get a little nervous and then I get filled with peace. This next step in life will not be easy or perfect...but I know it will be worth it. I know I'll get tired, I'll want my own space away from my companion, I'll feel rejection, I'll feel discouragement, my feet will get tired, I'll have to overcome some shyness, I will have to concentrate and study the scriptures like never before, and so so much more. But when I think of this list...none of it scares me. I know the mission is the right thing. I know that it is the next step in my life. I'm excited. I wake up every morning with a smile because I know the next year and a half or so will be a time I will never regret. I use to tell my guy friends on missions, that when they are on their mission it is the only time in their life that they know that they are EXACTLY where the Lord wants them to be...amazing opportunity I have coming my way! Can't wait.

babies getting married

Babies keep getting married...

How come the older boys go for babies? Its weird. I missed my window to get married (18 or 19 years old), guess I better just buy a cat. Someone actually told me to do that the other day....but honestly I wont become the cat lady til I'm 33 and not married. I'm excited that I wont have to worry about or think about dating for a year and half! Its really good timing this mission, cause I really was not into anyone and couldn't picture dating anyone I knew at the moment. Perfect. Things have just gone perfectly for this mission thing.

:) Smile (:

I just keep smiling. I know that the mission is going to be oh so wonderful!!

I put my apartment for sale on Sunday, sold it by Tuesday afternoon. A miracle to say the least.

I'm moving home this weekend. I'm excited to spend this semester at home with just me and my parents.

I've been researching everything about Sister Missionaries...I stay up way to late reading things now.

I love that I'm going on a mission. A friend told me last night, "This is your calling in life." I know now that it is...and I'm soo excited!!

P.S. I'm reading The Help and almost done. I'm excited for the movie to come out Friday.

Future

Last January I started to pray about a mission. I kept getting the response, "Now is not the time." So I figured maybe I would serve in a year or so and do it after I finished my bachelors degree. But the Lord has a plan for me...and I've noticed that if I pay close attention to the Spirit, the Lord is directing me towards this plan.

Yesterday I went to my home singles ward. The Relief Society is first, and the lesson was about the difference of "be" verses "become." We talked about how our whole purpose in life is to become, and through that process a lot of change and hardships will come our way, but these things will only make us stronger. Susan Purdy shared an experience about her mission, and how it was hard for her to understand why the Lord had her come home early, when she had worked so hard to be on that mission. So that was the first thing that made me start to think about a mission that day.

Then we had Sunday school...and we talked about the only 2 things we need to worry about is 1. Love the Lord and 2. Love one another. I started to think about love, and what it really means to love the people around you.

So with both those thoughts in my mind I went to Fast and Testimony meeting. There was kinda a theme about what we believe verses what we know. I started to get overwhelmed with the Spirit and just start to tear up. The things going through my head were these, "What am I doing with my life right now? I have the ability to love others, why not do that through missionary work? What could be more important then serving the Lord at this time of my life? I've been given so much, I should give everything I have back. I will miss my family. (starting crying a lot after that thought) I will miss the cruise in May..." Then the Spirit spoke to me and said, "You will always have something to keep you here, but now is your time to prepare and go on a mission." The closing hymn was "Because I Have Been Given Much."

Pretty loud and clear. I don't doubt that that's what the Lord wants me to do. I'll be honest...it scares me to death a little. I'm mostly scared about missing my family, and if I have to learn a new language. I'm not afraid to stand for what I know and believe...I know the Lord will bless me, and my fears and doubts will subside. Already, the more I say, "I'm going on a mission," the more I feel comfortable with it.

My plan is to leave by January of 2012. I have to sell my fall/winter contract first, move home and then work with my Bishop from my home single's ward. I'm excited. This will be a grand adventure full of many things I can't even imagine.

Orange Julius

1-6 ox. can of frozen orange juice
1 cup of milk
1 cup of water
1/4 of sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
5-6 ice cubes

Easy. I have found this is my favorite summer treat. I've made it like 3 times this last week. It delicious

Also this weekend, beside orange julius, Todd came in to town. I was supposed to go to Idaho...but complications cam up and so Todd came to Highland. On Friday I went boating, played pool basketball and then went to a dance party up at Squaw Peak. It was the most tiring day of my life. So Saturday I slept in, went kayaking, watched my cousin's movie he made and talked with the Brooks family.

It was a grand weekend. Now go make yourself an orange julius!

No more movies...

Thats right. I'm on a strict budget. I can't go see any more movies in the theaters til next May. Why you might ask?? Well...I'm saving my money for a dream come true...and those who know me I'm a huge movie buff, so this will not be easy. However...I will just think of these images when I'm tempted to go see the new latest movie out.

My family is going on a cruise around Europe. Amazing. I just have to save an extra $2,000 by April. Movies are not the only thing I'll be sacrificing...wish me luck!

August.

This is a joke right? It can't be August already...